Too often, resilience is treated like a badge of honor earned only by suffering through misfortunes or tough times. In organizations, leaders may tell their teams to buckle down, power through, or dig deep—without equipping them with the tools, space, or systems to do so in a healthy manner.

The result? A workforce that’s more depleted than determined.

Resilience isn’t a guaranteed outcome of tough times. And it’s not something you’re born with. Resilience depends on how you respond to the tough times.

Resilience is also a skill that can be intentionally developed by individuals, teams, and organizations through the right systems and a healthy mindset.

Beginnings hold a special kind of magic. They represent a clean slate and the chance to start fresh. For many, the new year symbolizes this moment, so we set new goals and embrace a renewed sense of optimism. But before long, that initial excitement fades. January slips into February, which bleeds into March. Q1 becomes Q2. Before we know it, the sense of newness is gone, and our motivation starts to fade too.

Do you struggle with a nagging sense of disappointment over the goals you’ve set for yourself? Do you sometimes feel you’ve blown it, and are tempted to retreat into your comfort zone? Do you notice those you lead losing momentum, and feel uncertain how to guide them back on course?

Motivation tends to ebb and flow, but true commitment keeps us moving forward, even when the initial excitement wanes. If you’ve been struggling to stay motivated, here are three mental reframes that can help you maintain your commitment to positive change throughout the year.

A couple years ago, my son played the roles of Benjamin and the butler in a spectacular production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. During one rehearsal, I struck up a conversation with a cast member who was new to theater. I was surprised to hear her say, “I’m not a singer or a dancer, but I’m having so much fun!” My immediate thought and response was “Oh yes you ARE a singer and a dancer! I see you up there singing and dancing your heart out!”

What led this cast member to believe she wasn’t a singer or a dancer? It was the identity she had created for herself—“I am this, but I’m not good enough to call myself that.”

Her response reminded me of how we often label ourselves, limiting not just our hobbies but also our potential. Just as this performer defined her own abilities in black and white terms, many of us question our own potential or believe we’re not far enough along to see ourselves a certain way. But what truly defines our capabilities?

Gardening has always fascinated me with its profound lessons in leadership and personal growth. By observing the garden, we discover how to cultivate a more energized, healthy, and vibrant life. One of the most compelling lessons is the art of pruning, essential for nurturing a beautiful garden and also vital for nurturing effective leadership. Just as gardeners prune to promote growth, leaders must trim away anything that does not contribute to their strength and effectiveness.

During the summer, I am devoted to my beautiful hibiscus plant. I treat it with tender loving care—watering, feeding, and carefully removing the spent blossoms. These simple acts redirect the plant’s energy towards producing its signature large, showy flowers. Each morning, I inspect my hibiscus and assess its overall health, looking for anything that might compromise its gorgeous blooms. The payoff is the stunning flowers the plant produces; last year, I had 17 blossoms on my hibiscus in a single day!

There are times when pruning feels uncomfortable. Some flowers appear mediocre and I hesitate to pinch them off because they still have some color, some sign of life. But the truth is they lack vitality and are declining. If I do not have the courage to trim, prune, deadhead, or pinch, I risk compromising the plant’s overall well-being by prolonging the life of flowers no longer thriving.

How true this is for leadership as well! The best leaders recognize the necessity of frequent pruning to stimulate fresh growth and to sustain organizational health. They courageously trim away what no longer serves them or their organizations, even when it’s painful.

What is the essence of true leadership?

Imagine a dark room where everyone is holding an unlit candle. Each candle represents someone who needs direction, motivation, or inspiration. You walk into this room with a box of matches, setting fire to all the candles. Some are tough to light, maybe too much wax has pooled around the wick, or the wick isn’t long enough. Some light easily and burn well. Others light at first, but then get snuffed out. You continue to re-light these candles as needed. You are dedicated to making sure that everyone’s candle stays lit.

Now, imagine a slightly different scenario. Imagine that same room, with everyone still holding an unlit candle. You walk in, and as you do, your presence emits a light that seems to ignite everyone’s candles spontaneously. This light radiates from you, illuminating the entire space as well as all the candles in the room. You do not need to go around lighting each candle individually. Your glow naturally lights those candles.

Management and Leadership

In these two scenarios, we witness the essence of management and leadership. In the first scenario, we see a manager who is focused on the act of lighting individual candles. Management is important. It helps ensure that people do well and that things get done.

But leadership comes from an entirely different angle. The leader focuses on developing their own internal glow so that they can naturally ignite others.

The Essence of True Leadership

At its core, leadership isn’t about what we do. It’s about who we are.

When we invest in our own growth, when we develop our own character, we create an inner glow that not only brightens our own path but also illuminates the path for others. We then lead by our presence and by our example.

As Edith Wharton once eloquently said, “There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.”

Leaders are called to be both the candle AND the mirror. This requires a healthy mind, body, and spirit, all working in synchronicity as we care for ourselves and serve others. The world is hungry for such leaders!

This is leading with light. And this is the essence of true leadership.

If you’re feeling low on energy and are considering a quick Starbucks fix, first pause and consider what may be draining your energy. Of course there are many physiological factors that could account for your low energy state, but did you know you could be leaking energy due to something in the emotional, intellectual, social, or spiritual realm?

Something may be hanging over your head, such as an unfinished task, buried emotion, toxic situation, or unresolved conflict.

These are all consistent drains on our emotional reserves, or what we call energy leaks. These leaks may feel significant or they could be seemingly trivial. 

However, these leaks aren’t mere inconveniences. They steal our energy and productivity, hindering our progress toward other goals. Energy leaks usually operate on the subconscious level—we don’t usually realize something is leaking our energy until we bring conscious awareness to it.

Your energy can be maximized, but it isn’t limitless. If you spend your energy on these leaks, you’ll have an energy deficit.

“I’m listening. Don’t worry, I’m a good multitasker.”

Has anyone ever said this to you, perhaps while scrolling through their phone and paying you little attention?

Have you ever missed a key part of a conference call while placing an Amazon order or responding to a text or email? Perhaps you’ve made a dangerous driving mistake while lost in thought? (I have.) Or maybe you’ve read the same paragraph over and over, as the email notifications light up in your inbox?

Multitasking—it’s the modern-day superhero skill everyone claims to have, yet science tells us it’s more of a supervillain in disguise. We’ve all fallen prey to its allure, attempting to conquer several tasks simultaneously, only to find our results lackluster.

Do you feel low on energy or frustrated that you lose momentum when it comes to healthy eating and moving? Perhaps you struggle to maintain healthy habits because of your busy schedule, as you try to keep all the balls in the air at work and at home, feeling there’s precious little time left over to care for yourself. You may want to feel better and live with strength and vitality for as long as possible, but have difficulty finding time or holding on to your motivation.

I believe part of the problem is that many of us fall into the trap of an all-or-nothing mindset. We may set lofty goals that leave us dissatisfied in the long run because, let’s face it, the goals are tough to reach and nearly impossible to maintain. We’re like runners who start out all fired up and sprint out of the block. We may see others doing it, so we think it’s what we should be doing too. But before long it gets really, really tough to keep going at that pace. And it’s exhausting. So we fizzle out. Back to the starting block we go. And the cycle continues.

Others of us can’t seem to even get out of the starting block because the road ahead seems too daunting. A small voice inside of us says, “Don’t even bother, it’s too difficult. Have a Cheeto.”

Both of these tendencies come from an all-or-nothing mindset and perfectionistic thinking. This type of thinking is a form of procrastination and self-sabotage.

Is there any hope? Of course there is. The health journey truly is a marathon, not a sprint. Think about where you want to be 30 years from now, not only where you want to be now. It’s the sustainable path that keeps you focused and inspired, and that leads to a healthier you.

In March 2020, COVID threw our world into chaos. Many companies are still dealing with the effects of this chaos, particularly in the areas of supply chain, cost, and labor issues. Another business challenge brought about by COVID is the split between remote and on-site workers.

For companies in which ALL employees are able to work from home, there are many productivity challenges that need to be navigated to make the remote work arrangement successful. But these issues are magnified when some employees are allowed to work from home and others must report to the office – often against their will. 

Work-life balance may seem like a fairly modern concept. But the truth is that employees have been fighting for work-life balance for many, many years. In the late 1800s and early 1900s, when manufacturing was the primary industry, the average manufacturing employee logged 100 hours per week. (Wow – we think we have it rough!) At that time, there was a loud cry to reduce the number of hours worked.

The influences and circumstances may have changed over time, but employees have always sought to find that elusive balance between bringing home the bacon and actually being home to enjoy the bacon.

The COVID behavioral experiment is one that will certainly be analyzed for years to come. Although it was not conducted intentionally, individual responses to COVID have become a laboratory for studies and observations on human behavior, interactions, personality traits, and societal norms.

As a student of psychology and an organizational development coach, I am doubly intrigued by human behavior and how it exhibits itself in the workplace, especially after a defining event with the magnitude of COVID. In this blog, I’d like to focus on the impact COVID has had on the human need for autonomy in the workplace. Next week I’ll cover some suggestions for what managers can do to recognize this need and to respond appropriately in the workplace.

In my last blog, I discussed some of the science behind stress. We all know that stress can take its toll on our physical and mental well-being. Research continues to probe the ways stress is linked to disease and can shorten our life span. And it can certainly make our remaining years less enjoyable.

So what can you do about stress? Of course there are a whole slew of suggestions on wellness and time management skills to help prevent some of the stressors before they even occur. Proper nutrition, regular exercise, a solid support network, a positive mindset, and sleep are all vital. But not all stressors can be predicted or planned around. Here are some simple tips to reduce stress via physical activity and healthy eating choices when you find that you are feeling unusually anxious or ready to shut down.

Stress that is left unchecked can lead to a wide range of mental and physical health problems. We all know stress can contribute to high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, and headaches, but did you know that stress has also been linked to diabetes, and some studies even suggest a possible link to cancer? Let’s take a brief look at some of the science behind stress.

What is Stress Anyway?

In a nutshell, stress is a physical, mental, or emotional reaction to change. This often occurs when we believe a situation is “too much” and is endangering our well-being. At the heart of all stress is the feeling of a loss of personal control – even if the change is a positive one.

We’ve all heard the phrase “out of an abundance of caution.” Lately, out of an abundance of caution, we’ve worn masks, closed schools, socially distanced, reduced capacity, locked ourselves down.

I’m not here to debate the necessity of any of this. I’m here to pose a question:

Are you living your life out of an abundance of caution?

Were you essentially wearing a mask and hiding indoors before COVID ever hit? Out of an abundance of caution, have you decided that unseen and safe are better than seen and exposed?

This isn’t about common sense safety – wearing a seatbelt, locking a door – or sound decision-making – weighing pros and cons, doing research, vetting an idea. And I’m not talking about personal preferences, like whether to skydive (no, thank you) or invest in high-risk stocks.

There’s something magical about beginnings. They represent a clean slate and the opportunity to begin something new. Wrapped up in beginnings is the promise of happiness, growth, adventure. The blank canvas stretched out before us is exhilarating. Life is the canvas, and we are its artist. There is only hope, potential, and whatever we dare to dream.

For many of us, each new year marks this kind of beginning. We commit to new goals and a new way of being. Whether it’s a new career, fitness routine, financial strategy, or way of looking at ourselves or others, we see the beginning as an opportunity to move forward and to leave behind what limits us. We face the future with optimism and a can-do spirit.

But before long, the newness gives way to the sameness of the days that follow. It’s not easy holding on to that magical feeling. Days blend into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. Things that weren’t part of the plan pop up and throw us off course. As time goes on, we often find that we are sitting in the middle of the canvas…and we’re not even sure if we’re the artist anymore.

Is it possible we need to change the way we look at beginnings?

Picture this: a young girl in a pretty pink dress, ribbons in hair, twirling delightedly. She is with her mom and sisters on an outing to the mall. Her mom has just bought her an ice cream cone. This is a special treat. She keeps twirling, ice cream cone in hand. At this moment, she hasn’t a care in the world. She feels pure joy.

Until the ice cream goes flying off her cone.

No more ice cream – and no more twirling. She is distraught and quickly learns that she shouldn’t have been twirling with ice cream in her hand in the first place.

Obviously.

As life goes on, she tries to be more careful. So many “rules.” She tries to follow the rules. But it’s not easy keeping track of them. More ice cream drops. Eventually she stops twirling altogether.

She edits, she pleases, she is oh so careful.

Can you relate to this girl? Although the girl with ice cream was me at 7 or 8, I think there’s a little of this girl in each of us.

Do you find yourself wishing you had more hours in the day? Or maybe you struggle to follow through on your good intentions because you feel so pressed for time?

If so, I can relate. I’ve been there. As in, much of my life.

I think time management is one of the greatest challenges in our daily lives, and also something that provides great joy and freedom – once we get a grip on it. As Harvey Mackay once said:

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.”

Oh, the stress! Crazy schedules, COVID worries, doctor’s visits, parenting battles, work dilemmas, relationship issues, health concerns, messy houses, caring for aging parents, losing loved ones. At times our lives can simply feel like too much. The stress we feel not only depletes us emotionally, but takes a huge toll on us physically too.

Why does stress leave us feeling so run down? When you’re stressed, your entire being – your mind, body, and spirit, and all of their sub-systems that keep you running every day – devote all of their resources to managing your stressful event. In essence, you go into survival mode and your systems operate at full capacity. Your body taps into every form of emotional and physical energy and grabs from its reserves as well. Even if you feel frozen in your stress, your body is actively working to prepare you to deal with your stressors.

As part of this response, stress depletes our bodies of several important vitamins and minerals. And on top of that, we tend to skip meals and just grab whatever is at hand to keep us going. It’s no wonder we end up feeling so drained.

We’ve all heard that journaling can be a powerful way to gain clarity and connect more deeply with our inner selves. A simple Google search will highlight the many benefits of journaling. I consider it an incredibly powerful meditative act. Yet few of us take the time to sit down and journal on a regular basis.

I think our resistance to journaling exists for one simple reason: it seems like such an optional activity that we don’t think we have time for. A “nice for some people but not really necessary for me” type of activity. And with all the busyness in our lives, who needs another task – especially something so “fluffy” – to add to our “to do” list?

I’m here to suggest that journaling may actually be one of the most important things you do in your day – every day. Before I dive into my three simple tips for starting a journal, let me briefly highlight just a smattering of the benefits of journaling. Journaling helps:

• increase clarity and vision

• reduce stress and anxiety

• sharpen memory

• promote creativity

• boost mood and confidence

• focus on the present

• foster a spirit of gratitude

• work through confusion or hurt

• expand our awareness

• strengthen our understanding of our core values

• improve immune function (!)

• process traumatic events

• learn via actively engaging with ideas

• improve decision-making and critical thinking

• recall pleasant memories

• increase self-efficacy and productivity

And the list goes on.

When it comes to overcoming adversity, there are many stories of great men and women who have found meaning and joy through suffering.

About 20 years ago, a family friend passed along a book – Great Souls: Six Who Changed the Century, by David Aikman, former senior foreign correspondent for Time Magazine. The tagline reads, “True stories of virtue to delight the mind and stir the spirit.”

My kind of book.

On the inside jacket, Aikman writes, “What has struck me as a reporter for most of my adult life is the capacity of individual human beings again and again to rise above their times and their circumstances and to change, if only just a little, the direction of the human tide.”

In the book, Aikman tells the stories of six remarkable individuals – Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Billy Graham, Pope John Paul II, Elie Wiesel, and Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn.

I would like to talk about Alexsandr Solzhenitsyn today.